But, as far as being back so far, my feelings are mixed. It's weird, getting off the plane and then making my way into the city yesterday, my own country really felt like a "foreign" country. I feel a little awkward going into places, speaking freely in English. On the bus yesterday a stranger told me a I had pretty eyes and at the bar a woman said she liked my beard when I was talking to my friend Peter. That felt strange, even if I spoke Japanese I don't think that would happen in Japan. I had a long conversation on the bus with a woman who may or may not be a little crazy yesterday as she helped find which stop I should get off at. The bartenders, even the guy at the shoe store, talked to me for a long time in a way that didn't seem artificial, just talkative and friendly. Those are things I miss about here that I don't think would happen even if I spoke Japanese.
But then there are other things, all the negative things. When I was waiting for my luggage it seemed like every person had a huge belly hanging over their pants, making me feel even more like I need to start exercising and being more careful when I get back. The moment I stepped on the train here all I could see was how dirty it seemed. Years ago when I had visited the city before I remember how I always was impressed at how clean and modern the transportation seemed, but not now, not after being in Japan on subway cars that are sometimes many years old but still clean and respected.
Here I do like how diverse the place is. I like how many different people are walking around and how expressive people are. I like walking by a Chinese restaurant and seeing and 70 year old black man having dinner with a white woman of the same age. I don't like how dirty the streets are and how sometimes they remind me more of Korea (or even Thailand) than Japan. Yesterday after I showered I felt like I could smell the pollution on the streets and in the air.
Tonight the bar Eric went to was in a "rougher" part of town. Lots of homeless people walking around and it seems like every fourth person on the street lived there, was crazy, or both. I mean, this is San Francisco and lots of people like this seem to flock here, but it's not so different from the rest of the country. The bar we went into was sort of nice and mostly white with a few Asians and others but just outside where everybody was stepping outside to have their cigarettes where all these (mostly black) people walking through asking for cigarettes and money. Patrons going to the bar from their cars or hopping from cabs seemed oblivious to it and to some to degree I acted in the same way if only to not hand out my entire pack of cigarettes to passers by. This is my country... It makes me sad how here, in the 'richest' country in the world that, so many people have to live this way, or more realistically, grow up in life that leaves them this way. At the same time, I appreciate the millions of people who are able come here from other poorer countries and make a better life. There are trade offs, there are the good with the bad. Maybe I'll feel different about it in a few weeks when I've had more time to adjust.
